SOMETHING OF A SECRET

This is a short speech I gave earlier today at the orientation event for new students of the faculty of law. I thought to share it with you.

Good morning. My name is Caleb. Caleb Adebayo. People call me Lord Kel. Some of you I have met, and some I haven’t so I’d briefly introduce myself. I am your colleague, and an avid lover of human rights and criminal law, I am also a writer, a Life Coach, an internet-addict, an OAP at Great FM (the school’s radio station) and I like beans, especially when its prepared nicely. I hope that’s enough introduction for a day.

I like to see myself as a storyteller more than as anything else because apart from it coming naturally to me, it is one part of me that every part of me can ease itself into. This morning, I have a secret to tell you but first I’d like to say a formal ‘Welcome to Faculty of Law, OAU’

 Today you will hear many people speak to you about being a ‘fresher’ and understanding the ‘devilish’ courses you may have to face along the way, and how the witches from your village will never allow you come out with a first class until you spend hours praying against them in sports center, and how some courses are designed to drain your G.P; yes there is all of that, but it’s quite different from what I want to tell you today. Please give me 17 minutes of your time to share my secret with you.

When I walked into this room, I could almost feel this pristine eagerness; it was unmistakable, that need to pay attention, to grasp everything, to belong, to feel among, to dip yourself into the maze of things; that unsettled, fragmented movement, like you are telling your feet not to get too comfortable with one place; that nervousness that your admission does not completely belong to you yet, that uncertainty about whether being yourself is just enough and whether while trying to be someone else, you are doing it right. It’s obvious.

Yet it’s not unusual.

I was on the verge of turning fifteen when I gained admission into this university. Like you, I had to wait a while for the ongoing strike of 2009 to play out until we were able to come in in 2010. When I came in, OAU looked intimidating; like one of those fathers or big brothers who, with their big build and ruffled face, will defend you before any group of bullies outside, but whom you were scared of at home for the same reason that they could beat you to pulp. 

The first problem I had as a new student was that I resumed late, since our resumption was just before Easter and I decided to convince myself that no tangible activity would happen until Easter was done with. The consequence was that I didn’t get a bed space. Thanks to a few good friends I met then who allowed me stay with them until late in the first semester when I was given ETF.

Now this takes me to the first point in my secret ‘Not everyone can be your friend, not everyone should be your friend and your best friend may not always be the person you speak to first’

I currently have two best friends. Fortunately (or unfortunately now, I’m not sure), we are roommates. Somewhere in town. The first one, I met in a cursory manner when I went to pay in my school fees that freshman year. I remember he used to have these big earphones that had hooks that curved around the back of the ears and blasted loud music into your eardrums. He would put them on at all times, while he nodded intermittently. My first impression of him was that he was annoying, but since I was a fresh student, what choice did I have? In the here-and-there, to-and-fro movement, it was important, relieving even, when you found someone who was from your faculty and in the same predicament as yourself.

When we met at the bank in town, I rushed to pay my school fees, because he appeared to always be in a hurry; this my friend, and I wanted us to do things together from then on. I was a sucker for companionship then. To my bewilderment, he finished up and rushed outside. I had to run after him, calling out to his earphone-filled-ears to wait. He gave me this I-have-something more-important-to do-than-waiting-for-you look. Eventually I got him to wait for me so we could enter campus together. We flagged down a bike, he bargained and without my consent, agreed to pay 200 naira for both of us for the bike to take us from there to school gate. We got down and he fiddled around in his pocket, and mumbled that he had no change, that I should pay the man, and that he would give me back later. I did. We never saw again for a long while. Till today, my friend owes me that hundred naira.

My other friend, I can’t quite remember how we met, but I know he was always the sanguine type, speaking here and there, even when he wasn’t asked . Coupled with his complexion that is like that of an unripe pawpaw (now I mean that in a good way, of course), he announced himself.

My point in all this is, my very first friend; the one who even helped accommodate me when I didn’t get a place to stay did not end up being among my close circle of friends; not because I didn’t want it, mind you, but there is a tendency to quickly lose the first couple of friends you make on campus because you would likely make these friends for one reason or the other to help you steady your tottering steps as a new student, which when you take a whole new look at, when you’ve found your feet,  may not look that attractive anymore. It’s at that point you begin to make your real choices.

Now, this Caleb boy came on campus, and was eager to explore every aspect of his existence. And, oh, the different organisations on campus were willing to assist, so within two weeks of my resumption, I had filled out more forms than I could remember in big brown envelopes pinned up on the notice board of Angola Hall. In fact, I looked forward to checking out new ones whenever they showed up. I wanted not to be left behind in the pool of things.

The first text message I got was from the dance group, D2D. I was to come for an audition. Long story cut short, I got in. That was how my dancing career began. I joined Magna Curia chambers here at the faculty by the next semester when they were recruiting. I thought of joining Red Cross and Man ‘o War, I joined the Debate Committee, Moot And Mock Committee, I dreamt of student union politics, I took a tour around fellowships until I settled for CASOR. I joined the decoration unit there, I joined a press board here in the faculty, pundit press, I joined Association of Nigerian Auithors (ANA), I joined The Writers Academy, I joined Club 1132, I joined IQNiche, I joined CLASFON editiorial board, I joined Magna Curia Editorial board, I got a role in a movie that was shot on campus, I started writing for the Nation Newspaper as a campus life journalist,I auditioned to join Gospo.com and I passed but was told I couldn’t be in a dance group and be in Gospo all at once. Gospo.com is a very popular drama group on campus. I joined two startup magazines whose names I can’t recall now. And just so you know, I eventually left D2D for Makarios, another dance group. And all of these as a part 1 student.

Point number two. Don’t make my mistake. Find your feet first. Finding your feet is the best thing you can do for yourself. There are so many wonderful things, groups and organisations here on campus which can really help you achieve your long-term goals, very true. But find your feet first, then you can make clear-headed decisions.  Activity does not equate productivity, but that’s what you may believe at the moment, that you have to be everywhere, moving up and down to be productive. It’s not true.

It’s not a lie also that your academics are the most important reason you’re here. Now, imagine for a minute you didn’t make the cutoff and didn’t gain admission, you will never belong to any of these groups or organisations so focus on the most important things first.

Now I didn’t fail that semester. In fact, I came out with something very close to a first class that first semester on campus, but I knew it in myself that that was below me; less than I could do.

Point number three: Don’t believe whoever tells you that you can never make a first class. Impossibilities, or possibilities first exist in your mind. You have a blank sheet now, five long years of blank sheets to write what you want; to decide what you will come out with, and you can have a first class. It’s not rocket science. I’m not on a first class, but you can be.

Now finding your feet is important because it helps you establish balance. Campus life isn’t boarding school, because nobody tells you what to do, where to go, how to do things. You lead your own life. From that moment where you decide to have rice for lunch or decide to set out at 7am for your screening exercise or take a passport at motion ground instead of in front of your hostel, you are leading your life; making decisions, however small, that will determine how your life will turn out, so I’d say, ‘Make decisions wisely’, choose your friends, choose your actions, choose your associations. Some of you may be so excited right now that for the first time in your life, you’ve left the preying eyes of your mother and the watchful gaze of your father, so you feel it’s time to do all you were never allowed to do at home; watch movies till dawn, sleep till 11am, forget to brush your teeth until after lunch, attend parties, go clubbing on weekends and lots more. To some of you, it’s like gaining independence from your colonial masters; the excitement of it all is electric.

But hear this; with more freedom comes more responsibility. Freedom can be a very deadly trap, if you don’t handle it right. I was walking with a couple of colleagues about a week ago when one of them pointed out to me, walking ahead of us two young ladies putting on long plaid skirts. He chortled and said that within a month, the length of those skirts would begin to reduce; that he could bet on it that they were fresh students. He gave a similar story of the large trousers he wore then when he first came on campus, and how each passing day, people needed smaller pieces of material to make clothes. That has always bothered me, by the way, how a piece of clothing that would normally make one decent skirt for a lady before, now makes for three ladies.

The tendency to want to explore; to see life, to try out jewelry even if it’s not your thing, to make two extra piercings in your ear and one on your nose because your friends say it’s cool and it makes you look like one of the ‘happening babes’, to try out mascara for the first time even if it makes you look wierd, to try out beer even though it’s never been more than eva wine and blue cocktail all your life, to try out sagging your trousers because how can you get girls to like you when you don’t sag and put one hand on the crotch of your jeans trying to draw up what you pulled down, to try out relationships.

Yes. Relationships. About a year ago, I started a series story on a couple of boards on campus titled ‘Anglomoz’. (Don’t look so wide-eyed, we know what happens there). ‘Anglomoz’ was simply a story that revealed the intricacies of fresh students on campus and how they coped with new things, freedom and taking responsibility for their actions. Exploring dangerous things especially, seems to have a certain appeal to it, especially with young people. That appeal is not good for you, friend. Experience is not the best teacher. She resigned a while ago. Wisdom is. And wisdom says to learn from the experience of others.

I am especially concerned about the ladies now, because I can already see some antsy, trigger-happy ladies among you, all wrapped in a pashmina of excitement, brimming with glee that one part 3 or part 4 or Jesus, final year student finds them attractive, and irresistible, and that unlike their counterparts, they now easily converse with these senior colleagues. Don’t be deceived. It happens every year.

Now let me warn you. Not in the way your father would say ‘Let me warn you. Let this be the first and the last time…’ No, but let me warn you, as in a note of caution. Many people clustering around you have one reason or the other that you will realize soon. Among them are aspiring politicians, either in the faculty or the students’ union, among them are those looking for easy-to-get, naïve and pretty, trophy girlfriends, among them are those who want you to join their organisations. I am not saying any of this is bad. I am saying be careful. A popular proverb goes thus ‘A blind man who was hit by a train was not killed because of his blindness, but because of his stubbornness’, because he must have well heard the train horning from afar as they usually do.

So this is me, the train horning from afar. Be careful. Don’t jump into silly relationships that will obviously end up in breakups. Don’t be too eager to get into anything yet. You have five whole years. Take your time.

Take your time to find your feet. Establish balance. Know why you are here. Have a driving force. Connect with your God, focus on your books, and let every other thing come as an extra. This is not the time for relationships. I don’t care if you’re 23, this is not the time.

This is the time to put your long term goals in perspective and begin to work towards them. Ask yourself why you are here, why you are on earth, a Nigerian, born to the parents you are, in OAU, in law. Ask yourself these questions and determine to achieve your goals. Each day should put you one step closer to achieving them. If you don’t have any goals yet, then start writing them down now, because the clock is ticking. Your short-term goals may change with time, but your long term goals remain constant.

Set aside the first semester to appraise everything. Don’t get attached to anything yet. Appraise, then decide

Today, I have found my feet, albeit late, but not too late. I have discarded the unnecessary things. I am looking now beyond OAU, beyond Ife, into a life in the world; as a citizen of earth. This is a much broader perspective, and one I will like you to adopt from now. Whatever I do now, has an implication in my life outside the four walls of this campus.

This part of this secret of mine also applies to the senior classes; that is every class that is not the part 1 class. I may smile at you if you seem to be running helter-skelter doing everything and being everywhere in your part 2, and maybe even part 3, but please don’t be found tottering in part 4, trying to find your steps and understand purpose. Start immediately. You may never fully understand purpose, but at least you’d know what to do each day. But for the new students, you don’t need to wait that long. Lucky you. You have an opportunity to listen to this now.

And need I remind you, that you can never understand purpose without God. So yes, you need God. Badly.

Finally friends, be selfish. You heard me right. Be selfish. Ultimately, all of what we do in life is selfish. Even humanitarian work. You do things for charity because you get certain fulfillment, joy or happiness from it. Now THAT is selfish. Do things because you are convinced they are right. Convince yourself of why you do things. Break away from the umbilical cord of home, and make your own decisions. Don’t just decide to hate your Hausa roommate because your mother told you never to relate with Hausa people when you get to school because they are murderers. Question your decisions, ask yourself if that is what you want to live by all your life. Don’t live to please or satisfy others. You never will succeed. Do things because they make God and you happy. Ultimately, that is what constitutes a productive life. Being selfish will give you the conviction you need to drive your life and stick to your decisions.

This is my little secret. All of these I have told you today. Most of it, I haven’t told my other colleagues standing in this room. I trust you all will do great stuff.

 Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

You can find me on twitter @lorkelwriter, www.lordkel.blogspot.com, and www.facebook.com/adebayo.calebstephen . You can also reach me on +2348132778289 and lordkeldicon711@gmail.com